Depression Through Film, Part II: Isolation

Isolation.

This is one of the few areas of depression that I find no one talks about as much. We mention it, briefly; that our loved ones suffer because we withdraw from them. We mention how we pull away. We mention how there are so many cases of people with depression committing suicide and no one realizing they had ever gotten that bad. True, that’s part of depression, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the isolation that people with depression often feel. The kind that comes from others drifting away from them.

It sounds odd, doesn’t it? How can someone feel isolated when they have friends, family, and often a stable job? How can they feel isolated when they live in an urban area? How can anyone with depression ever feel isolated when people are constantly trying to help them?

Unfortunately, I’ve found that many with depression don’t choose to isolate themselves. Some of us are unintentionally isolated, because depression isn’t readily understood.

It’s human nature; when someone speaks of a hardship or malady to say, “I know how you feel”, when in reality, they do not. It’s hard to know how someone with chronic, crippling depression feels when you’ve yet to experience something like that. It’s hard to understand the complete personality shift. It’s hard to understand the complete breakdown of mental agency. The phrase “I know how you feel” is meant for comfort, in more situations than just depression, but really, unless you’ve personally been in the situation, “I know you feel” is sometimes better left unsaid.

Worse, still, are the friends and family who still refuse to believe that depression or other mental health disorders exist. Or, if they do believe in their existence, they don’t believe the person with the condition. The phrases “you don’t look sick”, “you’re not even trying to get better”, and “you’re just feeling sorry for yourself” come to mind. Just because depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other mental health disorders aren’t visible doesn’t mean they don’t exist. The whole meaning of “mental illness” is simply, “your brain is sick”. Too often, people’s conditions worsen because they have no support system. It’s hard not to focus on recovery when no one believes you need to recover.

That’s the kind of isolation I’m talking about.

Too often, people with depression, particularly high-functioning depression, feel that they can’t discuss their condition with anyone. What’s the point if no one believes you? What’s the point if everyone is offering an opinion without listening to the problem?

When you feel that you have no one to turn to, depression can feel like the loneliest condition in the world. When you feel alone, that’s when you begin to feel that no one would care if you lived or died. That’s when it can get dangerous. I say this not to frighten anyone, but because it’s the truth. The worst thing about depression is that often, no one but fellow depression sufferers know how you feel. Just like other chronic illnesses, unless someone has personally experienced it, how are they to know?

With mental illness, I think, instead of sugar coating it, we need to be honest about our thoughts. If someone asks how you’re doing, you need to be honest. They may not like it. Harsh talk scares people, but I think it’s necessary.

So, to combat the isolation, I think those with depression need to open up their world. If someone asks how you’re doing, I think we need to answer honestly:

“Today, I didn’t want to get out of bed.”

“I haven’t eaten in two days.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure I can keep doing this.”

Yeah, talking about depression, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or OCD, or other mental illness freaks people out. It freaks my friends and family out, I’m sure, but it needs to be discussed. People need to know. People need to quit living these delusional fantasies in which everyone is okay one hundred percent of the time. People aren’t okay all the time. People are fragile creatures. We were made with complex minds and emotions, and quite honestly, sometimes, people are going to suffer the consequences for being complex. Sometimes, our brains will short circuit. Sometimes, our minds will betray us. We need to talk about it, because it happens. It’s not something we should sweep under the rug.

Often, those with depression who are seeking treatment feel isolated because their loved ones try to push them to quit taking medication. Loved ones will say, “you’re just not the same person” and “I don’t like how you act when you take it”. Unless someone is experiencing delusions and having severe side effects, then they need to stay on the medication. A few months ago, a friend told me her boyfriend had convinced her to quit taking her medication for depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. He’d told her that she didn’t need it, that they’d get through it together. Quite frankly, that attitude causes more harm than good. To quit depression or OCD medication cold turkey is a dangerous thing—particularly if you’re doing it without the supervision of a doctor. Yeah, it may be difficult for your loved ones to grasp. The concept of you taking medication may make them uncomfortable, but it’s not about them. It’s about you, and it’s about getting better. No one would ask you to stop taking medication for lupus, or arthritis, so why is it any different with depression?

Just like with any other illness, depression needs to be better understood. The more we understand it, the less those who suffer from depression will be isolated. I chose this picture, not only because it’s black and white, but because of the stillness. There are no people in this picture. For me, it’s very reminiscent of the isolation that depression can sometimes bring.

In short, I urge you to do your own research and to reach out to loved ones if they’re struggling. Trust me, it’s more help than you could ever imagine.

Thanks for reading Part 2 of my Depression Through Film series. Part 3, Storms, will be up on Wednesday.

-AM

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