Depression Through Film Part III: Storms
- Sep 14, 2016
- 4 min read
Storms.
Growing up in the Deep South, I’m more than used to a strong storm. I’ve seen tornadoes, floods, hail, hurricanes, pretty much anything that could inflict damage. Living here in New Orleans, it seems that storms have a way of rolling in and making themselves known at every opportunity. An hour’s drive north of me in Baton Rouge, people still see the effect of flooding that took place a couple of weeks ago. Storms are a part of life, but right now, I’m not talking about the weather.
Concerning mental illness, there are always good days and bad days. There are days when you can get up, complete your to-do list for the day, go to work, and manage to hold it together. There are days where, for a few fleeting moments, you aren’t consumed by the void that depression creates. There are days where you seem to be on the upswing, and you’re able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Then, there are the bad days.
There are the days where it hurts to breathe and showering and eating and completing mundane tasks seem next to impossible. There are days where it feels like your soul is slowly disintegrating into nothing. There are days where the pain and gravity of it all seem to flow through your veins and poison every thought you have. Those are the storms. Those are the ugly parts of depression.
Every person’s struggle is different, but for the most part, everyone has their good days and bad days. We have the days where we think we’re getting better, and we have the days where we feel like we’ll never be happy again. It’s an ugly balance, but it’s one I’ve learned to deal with.
The one thing that many people don’t seem to understand about depression is that, just like with any other illness, there are good periods and bad periods. You could have several good days, weeks, or months in a row. You could also have several bad months or years. Though it’s possible for someone with depression to appear perfectly normal, often times the bad days outnumber the good. For that reason, we need to be prepared for the storms ahead, and the loved ones of depression sufferers need to be prepared, too.
See, on a good day, a person might wake up early, eat breakfast, go to work, or complete all the tasks on their to do list. They may have a lot of energy. They may be able to appear like the person they were before they got sick. Any number of things, from medication to meditation to diet may have contributed to the upswing, but the point is that they’re feeling better—more “themselves”. Those are the moments those of us with depression look forward to. That’s what we desire the most.
Unfortunately, what most of us get are bad days. We get anxious. We sometimes get paranoid. We forget to eat. We may sleep too much or not enough. For some, it may get to the point that they think they can’t live any longer. The bad days are dangerous. Those are the days in which we feel the most isolated and lonely. Those are the days that we feel we have no one to turn to. Those are the days we feel isolated. That’s the worst part about depression.
What people often tend to forget about depression is that it doesn’t go away overnight. You don’t start taking medication and are suddenly 100% better. That’s not how it works. Sometimes, the medication doesn’t work. Sometimes, the medication causes side effects. Sometimes, the medication isn’t strong enough. Just like with any other disease, treatment is trial and error. It’s hard, yes, and sometimes the bad seems to outweigh the good, but it’s going to get worse before it gets better for a majority of people.
The thing about storms is that, while most of them pass and no one gets hurt, others wreak havoc and cause all kinds of damage—both seen and unseen. That’s the way it is with depression, too. For some, depression passes, and they begin to recover, and things slowly but surely improve. For others, they suffer quite a bit before they get better. For some, still, they never improve; they just succumb.
Sometimes it’s difficult to talk about the rough parts of chronic depression, but it’s a subject we shouldn’t shy away from. Everyone is going to have good days and bad days, but we have to know how to deal with the storms when they come. Anyone that tells you “I’ve never seen it get that bad” has obviously never dealt closely with depression; sometimes the storms are so rough you think you’ll never recover. Sometimes, people don’t recover. That’s a harsh reality of the disease that doesn’t need to be covered up or swept under the rug. The truth is that it can get ugly and nasty. People can become the opposite of what they used to be. Their personalities do a complete 180. That is depression. That is what it does to your brain.
I snapped this picture a few days ago, during a particularly rough thunderstorm here in New Orleans. The wind was so rough it knocked my storm door open; there were tree branches down in my yard after everything was said and done. I thought for a moment that there was going to be a flash flood.
Eventually, though, after the ugliness of the storm had faded, the sun eventually came out. It was hot and humid and it fogged up the lenses of my glasses, but the sunset that evening was truly something beautiful.
Storms are a part of life, we just need to know how to weather them. They aren’t permanent; they’re a circumstance, and circumstances change. The more that we remember this, the more that we can begin to move forward with our own lives.
And for those suffering with depression, don’t let your storms be hidden. Allow someone to weather them with you; you may find that storms pass quicker that way.
Part 4 of my Depression Through Film series, Home, will be up on Friday.
-AM
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