Depression Through Film Part IV: Home

Home.

Home means lots of different things to lots of different people. For some, home is a place, a tangible location on a map with an address, four walls, and a roof. For others, home is a person, or people, family and friends who keep things going when life is difficult to deal with. Home can be a lot of things. Home can be one thing, or nothing at all. For those suffering with depression, home can be something crucial, or it can be nothing at all. For those suffering with mental illness, a sense of home and a sense of belonging can be pivotal in the first steps of recovery.

When I moved from Alabama to New Orleans, Louisiana in August, 2014, I thought I’d be able to jump right into the fray and that I wouldn’t miss my “home”. However, upon my first few weeks in Louisiana, it became grossly apparent that New Orleans was vastly different than the small town I’d grown up in. For the first year I lived in New Orleans, I was absolutely miserable. When you’re dealing with depression, large life changes are not exactly recommended. I’d graduated college, gotten married, moved seven hours away from home, and started graduate school over the course of three months. There were days that I hated New Orleans and everything about it. It wasn’t home to me. It wasn’t special to me. I hated this place. I hated the people. I hated myself for moving here.

That was well over a year ago. Now that I’ve forged my own relationships and made friends whom I love dearly, the situation is much different. I had to make a home for myself because there wasn’t really another option. I couldn’t just pack up and move back to Alabama; it wasn’t in the cards for me.

As hard as it is to get out and meet people and make attachments, or to maintain attachments we already have, it’s something necessary those suffering from depression must do. You have to have a support system. You can’t be isolated. Depression is an ugly, lonely, nasty disease, and unfortunately, it doesn’t just “get better” over time. If you don’t have a home base and support system, it’s very possible for your condition to grow worse. When things get worse, that’s when the stormy periods begin to take place. That’s when your condition goes from “manageable” to “dangerous”.

Sometimes, when fighting depression, attachments can be hard to keep. When you’re struggling with your own self worth, it can be hard to imagine that anyone would care about you. When your mind is working against you, it’s hard to reach out and tell people how hard you’re struggling. It’s hard to explain what’s going on in your head. It’s hard to explain what’s going on when you’re not exactly sure yourself.

For those with significant others, it can be especially hard to maintain those attachments. Sometimes, we can’t communicate to our partners or spouses exactly what’s going on, especially if they’ve never dealt with depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses before. It can be harder to tell our significant others that we’re struggling because sometimes we feel that they should already know; that they should already have an idea as to what’s going on. However, the ones closest to us can be the ones who are the first to be lost in the ways to try to help.

It’s frustrating, sometimes, to feel so alone and to feel like your entire support system is slipping away from you. It’s important to have a home to go to. It’s important to have a support system. It’s important to have a safe haven, so that you’re able to stand the storms and the isolation.

I chose this picture because it’s one of the first I’ve actually taken of my new home. I’ve lived here for a year, but I’ve made so many good memories in this house. I love it here. It’s so, so, so special to me. It’s not the nicest, or the fanciest, or the newest, but it’s mine. It’s a haven for me.

My next post, “The Top 5 Accessories Every Photographer Needs” will be up tomorrow, and part V of “Depression Through Film”, “Anxiety”, will be up on Monday.

Thanks for reading, and sticking by me. You can find more of my work on Instagram @notspanishmoss.

-AM

#depression #mentalillness #mentalhealth #Photography #blackandwhitephotography #nikoncamera #nikonphotography